I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
