So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
