I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize