Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
