I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize