I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize