Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
