i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
