found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
