I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
