What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize