I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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