you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize