Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize