Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
