final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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