You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
