The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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