He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
