hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
