Screwed.edu
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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