Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
