Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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