I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
