i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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