I have demons in me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
