we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
