I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
