I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize