I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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