Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
