you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
