i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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