Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
