Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
