I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
