I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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