I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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