Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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