my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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