its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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