what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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