im drinking this country out of the recession.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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