well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
