First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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