You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
