And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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