3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
