Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
