i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
