you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The best revenge is premature balding
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
