When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
