even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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