i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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