is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
