i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
