Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
40s are totally the cure
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize