Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
