no, he came in my armpit
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
