yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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