Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
