I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He passed out mid-signature
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
