Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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