i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
