You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
