Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
