yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
