why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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