If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I want a musical about memes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
