Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
