Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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