i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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