OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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