you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
