omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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