if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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