im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
