Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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