That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
