You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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