From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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