some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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