I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
