Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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