The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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