My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
