how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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